As a psychologist who has worked with many couples, I have become very familiar with a theme: Good communication is a key ingredient of a happy relationship. We go into our marriage assuming that we know how to communicate well, but that is not necessarily the case. When it comes to communicating, we should not be surprised that high level, effective communication, just like any other proficiency, requires learning a new set of skills.
Good communication skills are particularly important during a health crisis. Survivors of any form of cancer and others living with a chronic illness have faced particular challenges that are likely to require a high level of proficiency in communication. That is because a health condition does not only affect one person; it impacts both members of a couple, and families.
Cancer survivors and their partners know that communicating about certain topics is especially difficult. This point is particularly evident in relationships of survivors of breast cancer, testicular cancer, and prostate cancer: Cancers that impact parts of the body that arerelated to sexuality. Since sexuality is at the heart of how many people define themselves as a man or a woman, communicating about difficulties created by such cancers often poses sensitive challenges to couples.
The good news is that effective communication is a learnable skill. Couples who learn how to communicate more openly and effectively often experience a deeper level of intimacy. That is because true intimacy involves trusting another human being with our deepest concerns and caring enough about them to communicate those concerns with them. Attending communication workshops, and using the services of a mental health professional, are two good steps toward acquiring such skills.
Article contributed by Hamid Mirsalimi, PhD, ABPP, clinical psychologist and consultant for the Men’s Health and Wellness Center. Dr. Mirsalimi leads Couples Coaching Workshops and is available for private individual and couples counseling.
