The objective of creating a loving environment after a health crisis is to make the relationship come alive again, to make it the vibrant kind of togetherness that you once had and treasured. Creating a loving environment can start with small behavior changes.
Many couples have been married for a long time. For so many years, they focus on the kids, getting ahead at work, keeping up with the financial demands, to the point that there is very little time to think about what would make our partner happy. When we do think about our partner, unfortunately, it is often only at birthday or anniversary time.
The way to remain interested in each other emotionally and physically is to show your appreciation for your partner in everyday life. A smile, a touch, a look that communicates “I love you” or “I desire you,” speaking in a loving tone - they all build up the credits, the loving account, by showing that you appreciate your partner and do not take him or her for granted.
It is normal for sexual desire to fluctuate over time. Dr. David Sarnach makes the point that desire is complex in his book Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. Desire must be looked at within the context of the marriage, with every part of the relationship affecting other parts of the marriage.
Just as the marriage has its high points and low points, desire will be affected and reflects these variations. Desire is essential in reviving a loving relationship. It includes wanting to be with your partner, to talk with your partner, to hold your partner, to please your partner, and to love your partner, in any way that the two of you define love.
Excerpt from Intimacy with Impotence (2004) by Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz, founders of The Center for Intimacy after Cancer Treatment. Reprinted with permission. www.renewintimacy.org
