When most of us think of caregivers, we naturally think of women. It may surprise you to learn that according to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving (2004), 40 percent of family caregivers are actually men.
While both sexes face the challenges of exhaustion, stress and social isolation, male caregivers face unique challenges because men tend to define and respond to the role of ‘caregiver’ differently than women.
One thing that caregivers need most is support. Caregiver burn-out is common and often doesn’t take long to set in. Many caregivers neglect their own needs in a well-meaning attempt to “be there” for their loved one.
While support groups do exist, some men are not comfortable seeking support in a traditional support group setting.
Male caregivers may also minimize the emotional toll that caregiving is taking and instead over-focus on the tasks that need to be accomplished.
The dynamics of caregiving also give rise to issues of control, role reversal, and intimacy as we try to balance our relationship’s changing needs.
Seven tips from men on the front lines of caregiving, courtesy of AARP:
1. If someone asks what they can do to help, have a list in the back of your mind and tell that person.
2. Have something to look forward to—whether it’s a big trip or just a rental movie to watch at home. Remind yourself that you will get through this.
3. Acknowledge your emotions.
You’re human, not a robot.
4. Set up a group e-mail to keep family and friends in the loop.
5. If you’re a spousal caregiver, don’t put off shared pleasures. If you and your wife always dreamed of going to the Caribbean and the trip is still feasible, do it now.
6. Remember that most of the little issues don’t matter that much. Discuss them and find what works for both you and your loved one.
7. Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s condition or disease, even though it might be scary.
Helpful Resouces for Caregivers
www.cancercare.org
Access to over 20 support groups for caregivers and loved ones of people with cancer. Connection to financial resources, free telephone education workshops, and support groups (by telephone and online).
www.caringtoday.com
Quarterly national magazine with practical advice and information for family caregivers.
www.wellspouse.org
Support for spousal caregivers. Connection to resources and support groups (in person and online).
http://aging.dhr.georgia.gov
State of Georgia Division of Aging Services with resources for home and community based services, tools to help plan in advance for long term care needs, and more.
Source: AARP Bulletin Today, January 23, 2009.
See page 4 for a list of caregiver resources.
